2019 was such a success photographically. Yet 2020 has been quite miserable so far.
2019 and SiPgoes53
As initially planned, I didn’t take a photo for each human being on the list. But I still took 58 photos for 37 human beings. What makes it better is that the end result of 53 is so much more coherent than it was for 52. All this because I had the Elves as a red thread.
2020 without a red thread
We didn’t get a real winter here in the North (at least below the Arctic circle). It’s been a constant melting of snow, making slush that freezes, followed by fresh snow that melts again a few days later. It impacted my motivation for photography a lot.
But the weather was probably just an excuse. Even on days with excellent weather conditions it was a struggle.
After two years with SiPgoes52 and SiPgoes53 to guide me, any photography feels pointless and without any purpose.
Last year, completing SiPgoes52 felt like a relief. This year, it was more of a disappointment. I really enjoyed it and didn’t want it to stop. Yet it did.
The problem this year is that I don’t have a clearly defined project. A long term goal to give meaning to my photography.
The creative rut
Since the beginning of the year, I’ve spent much time thinking. Making lists of ideas. Going over old lists of ideas. I’ve got a list of human beings that I could use to continue working on SiPgoes53. Even though I want to keep on photographing my Elves, working based on a list of human beings doesn’t act as a motivator like last year.
I’ve got other ideas. I’ve got projects I want to finish. I tried to get new inputs. Do something else. But nothing seems to work. I feel like lost without a compass… and stuck.
On top of that, I’ve also felt frustrated with my own pictures. I feel like no matter what, I’m not able to put into my photos the feelings that I want to express.
And if all this wasn’t enough, over the years, I’ve felt continuously less and less interested in social media. More than ever, posting my photos, for people to double click them and move on a second later, appears completely meaningless.
Embracing the rut
I think I’ve reached the point where I acknowledge the creative rut. There’s no point fighting it or worrying about it. It’s likely going to stay for a while.
I’ve managed to get back to taking pictures. But it’s slow and laborious. I have so many toys to photograph, yet I can’t choose.
So I decided to embrace this state.
There won’t be much Instagram. Instead, I will keep most photos to myself for the time being. I’ve even stopped sharing behind the scenes when I go take photos. And I keep regular posts to a minimum.
And I will also spend time doing other things. Like sorting LEGO, editing photos, watching movies that have been on my watchlist for years, getting involved in the local photo club… Or cleaning up and updating my own blog.